You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
