I'm going to jail i love you
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
