You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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