you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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