I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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