Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
