Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
