I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
