I cockslap morals
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
