Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
