I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize