got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
