i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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