No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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