Cold hands, warm shart.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
