The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
