I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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