your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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