I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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