I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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