Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
