I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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