I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
