i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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