Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Damn victory sex feels great
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
