I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
