So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize