im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
