They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
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