you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
