His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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