Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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