Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
