her facebook's as public as her vagina
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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