I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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