I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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