I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
