So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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