So drunk its hurt
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
i out mim tonsoeep
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