I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
