Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
