Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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