I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'm always down for nudity.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
