U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
