I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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