My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
