I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i love accidental penises.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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