So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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