we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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