I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
