normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
So many bounce houses so little time
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
