Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
