I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
