Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
