i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
