i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
