She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
