if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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