lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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