So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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