I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
