oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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