someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
