Need sex. Gaining weight.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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