i need an iv and a liver transplant
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
