you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
