this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
