well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
