i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
