Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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