Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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