That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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