So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
