Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
