Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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