Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
