Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
