I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize