i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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