I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize