im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
