Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
