Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
