i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
zippers are such a cool invention
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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