she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
