he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
