The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
