we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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