Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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