I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
