i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
