You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
