we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
