Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
