I am spending my child support on dildos
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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