I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
