guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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