Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
