I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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