Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
