Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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