I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
