you would pick up someone in the library
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
