Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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