she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
