are you so shy because you have an std?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
