We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
