Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
