I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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