I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
